Niya Page 7

  Out of breath, with hardly any energy, I got up, flipped Smiley over, and returned the favor. When I looked up, Jamilla was just lying beside her, watching me do what I did best. Smiley took her fingers and, one by one, sucked Jamilla’s delicious juices off of them. That shit turned on not only me, but also Jamilla. By the look on Jamilla’s face, she was only seconds away from reaching back down and handling her business again. Smiley came as I tongue fucked her, and afterward, we watched Jamilla get off for the second time that night. This time she let her fingers slip in and out of herself as her other hand rolled over her pretty little clit.

  * * *

  It was five in the morning when my phone started to ring. At first, I ignored it, but it just wouldn’t stop ringing, so I took the call.

  “Who the fuck is it?” I asked with an annoyed tone.

  “I need to see you . . . right now.”

  I looked at the phone and instantly caught an attitude. “Nigga, it’s five in the morning. What the fuck you want?”

  “Remember that little problem you had when we were gonna meet up? Well, I found the troublemaker.”

  It was as if I had never been asleep. I sat up and paid more attention to what White Boy was saying.

  “So what are you gonna do with that?” I asked as I got off the bed and sat on my desk chair.

  “I need to see you. Are you home?”

  “Nah,” I lied before continuing. “I’m out. I can meet up with you. Where?”

  He gave me the address, I wrote it down on a piece of paper, and within a few minutes, I was dressed. I looked down at Smiley and Jamilla, who were still sound asleep, and decided to leave a note just saying that I would be back.

  I left the house and headed to my new stash house. I didn’t quite trust White Boy, so I needed my gun. Once I got it, I headed to the address that I had written down on the paper. Once I got there, the abandoned building gave me chills. I sat in the car for a few, asking myself if I was ready to face whatever went down that morning. But with lingering questions about who had set me up, I knew I had to face it, no matter what, so I climbed out of the car.

  “Happy you could make it,” White Boy said as he walked over to me and shook my hand.

  I looked around for the culprit but didn’t see anyone but White Boy and the two guys who were always with him. “So where is he?” I asked, wanting to get everything over with.

  “I tried to tell you that I had nothing to do with it. After you find out, maybe you will learn to trust me more.”

  I sucked my teeth. “I don’t have time for ‘I told you so.’ Let’s get this shit over with.”

  They led me inside the building and he signaled for his men to bring out the motherfucker who had robbed me. I watched the door that the men disappeared behind, and I waited impatiently for them to come back out.

  “I know that you’re young, but you really got to work on your circle. You’re too trusting. In this line of work, you can’t trust anyone,” White Boy noted.

  I looked away from the door and looked at White Boy. I searched his face, hoping that I would see the true meaning behind his words, but I saw nothing. Finally, the door swung open, and his two men came out with a bloody guy who looked like he had been through the worst beating of his life. They brought him over to me and pushed him down on the ground.

  “This is the sorry piece of shit who held that gun up to you,” White Boy said.

  I looked at the man and then at White Boy. “How do you know?”

  He pulled on his cigarette before answering. “I got some connects in a few hospitals, so when you told me you shot that nigga, I just called around to see if anyone came in that night with bullet wounds. In Brooklyn there were only three people that night, and one was a female. He wasn’t that hard to track down. Plus, once we cracked his head a few times, he admitted to it.”

  All I could say was, “Wow.” There I stood, face-to-face with the man I had hoped was dead. He had threatened to kill me, to rape me, and now he sat at my feet, begging for his life.

  “Please . . . I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that shit. Don’t kill me. Please don’t kill me,” he pleaded.

  I could hear him, but his words were a distant sound. All I could think of was that night, and how cruel he had been.

  “If you are thinking that you should let him live, there is still a piece to this puzzle that you are missing,” White Boy said.

  I looked at him and asked, “What now?”

  White Boy was enjoying this. He took his time as he adjusted his shirt and lit another cigarette. Finally, he said, “Don’t you want to know how he knew where your stash house was or who told him?”

  I looked at White Boy and told him the truth. “I was going to ask him that before I killed him.”

  “Why ask when we can show you?” White Boy said.

  White Boy told one of his men to go and get our other guest. I held my breath as I waited to see who it was. As the man came out of the back room, my eyes zeroed in on his hand. In it was a mass of black hair. I was so filled with anger that I got an instant headache.

  “Put the little bitch right next to her man,” White Boy ordered.

  Words could not describe what I was feeling. It was betrayal in its truest form.

  “Please, Papi, don’t believe them. You have to trust me. I would—”

  I took a few steps toward Roxie and backhanded her. Her hands were tied behind her back, so she fell flat on her back. I stood on top of her with each foot on the side of one of her shoulders.

  “How could you do this to me? I gave you more than you ever had. I gave you more than you have ever wanted. I loved you, although you were fucking crazy, and I have damn near killed for you. What the fuck were you thinking?” My body was shaking. Rage was about to consume me, and I wasn’t going to stop it.

  “It wasn’t me. Please, Papi, you have to believe me.”

  I looked down at her and wanted to believe her, but I knew that I couldn’t. She was a snake, always had been. I had just been too blinded by pussy to see it. I walked over to the man White Boy had called her man, and made him a promise.

  “If you tell me the truth, you will leave here today.”

  After that, he sang like a bird. He told me that they had been planning it for months. He told me that Roxie had spoken with Rodney on that day, had told him that I was gay and that I had never given a shit about him, not even as a friend. Had told him that I was only using him for pussy, and that once I could get girls on my own, I would no longer speak to him. She had done this so that he wouldn’t be with me that night I got robbed. Everyone knew that Rodney and I moved together. No matter the job, we were always together. He told me that Roxie had called him and had given him the address the same night I was going to meet White Boy, and he revealed how they had planned to share the money they would make off the bricks. I had only one question, one that would seal her fate.

  “Were you supposed to kill me?” I asked him.

  He looked me dead in the eyes and answered, “She said to do whatever it took. Dead or alive, I was supposed to take what you got.”

  I walked back over to Roxie and just started kicking her. I didn’t stop until I knocked out her front teeth. The more I thought about things, the more things became clear. That day she bugged out on me about where I had been because she’d been worried about the nigga. She hadn’t given a shit about who I was with; she’d wanted to know if her man was all right. I was fuming.

  “Let’s get this show on the road,” White Boy said as he walked over to me.

  He tried to hand me his gun, but I told him I had my own. I stepped to the man who had been sent to kill me and held the gun to his head.

  “I thought you said that I was going to leave here?” He was crying, which had no effect on me.

  “You will be leaving . . . feetfirst.” I pumped two bullets into his head without a second thought. I watched his body fall and just stared at it.

  “You still have one left,” W
hite Boy said as he pointed at a hysterical Roxie.

  I walked over to her and just wanted to know one thing. “Why, Roxie? Why?”

  Through her tears, she told the truth. “I . . . I just wanted more. I just wanted more.”

  I shook my head at her. Greed was always the root of all evil. As I stood there looking down at her, for the first time, I saw her for who she really was. I saw her for what she always had been . . . pure evil.

  “We are gonna have to wrap this up,” White Boy said as he noticed my inner struggle.

  I knew what had to be done, but I just couldn’t do it. I tried to raise the gun to her head, but every time I did, my hand would come right back down.

  “That’s all right. We’ll take care of it. You have blood on your hands, so I know that what went down tonight won’t leave this building.”

  “Please, please, Niya. Don’t let them do this. Please, baby, I love you.”

  “Bitch, you wouldn’t know what love was if it stared you in the face,” I said out loud.

  I took the butt of my gun and hit her on the forehead. She was knocked out. I started for the door as White Boy stood on top of her and let off a few rounds. All I could think of was, at least she was passed out when her life was taken.

  Chapter 18

  Jamilla

  I was having a dream that I was using the bathroom when I jumped up. Thank God, I was just starting to go when I woke up. A few drops had landed on her bed, but most of it was on her bathroom floor. That was a better place than Niya’s mattress. I cleaned her floor and thanked God that I was naked. I jumped in the shower and put on a pair of Niya’s shorts and a tee. That was when I noticed that Niya wasn’t in the bed and that she had left a note. I rolled my eyes as I wondered if she’d gone to see Roxie. I had twenty dollars on me, but I needed quarters. I wanted to wash Niya’s sheets as soon as Smiley got up. I knew that there wasn’t much urine on them, but I wanted to clean them, anyway.

  I took the twenty dollars and headed to the closest corner store that would give me a few quarters. It was about a ten-minute walk, and since the sun would be up soon, I felt safe enough. I got to the store, bought some gum, and got the change that I needed. The walk gave me time to think about my night. After what had happened, I didn’t know how to classify myself. Was I gay, straight, bi? I knew that I could never go down on another woman; that just wasn’t me. I also knew that I’d been the most turned on that I had ever been in my life. Could it be that I’ just been horny? Could it be that I’d been drunk? No, there was no way that I was gay. I loved men; men loved me. No, I wasn’t gay. I’d just been drunk. I promised myself never to let what had happened that night happen again. I was only going to confuse myself if I let lust cloud my better judgment.

  Instead of going straight home, I went the long way so that I could pick up three coffees. We’d had a long night, and I knew that we would need it. I cut through a few alleys and was only a block away from my favorite coffee place when I saw Niya, a gun, and my stepfather.

  Chapter 19

  Niya

  I had driven home with murder on my mind. The murder I had just committed bothered me, but not as much as the murder I just couldn’t pull off. I should have been the one to put Roxie out of her misery. She had betrayed me, yet I just hadn’t been able to do it. I was starting to wonder if what her boyfriend had said to me was true. Maybe the street game was a man’s game. Maybe as a woman, I just didn’t have the heart, or maybe I had too much heart.

  As I parked my car, I wasn’t ready to go back in the house. I needed to clear my head, so I walked. I thought about my life, everything good and bad about it. I thought about who I was, who I was becoming, and who I was hoping to be from that day on. I also thought about my night, before the call. I thought about Jamilla and how much I loved her. With every day that passed, I was falling deeper in love with her, yet she said she was straight. I thought about who she’d appeared to be the night before, and I wondered if she was just confused about her sexuality. I wondered if I would ever have her, and not just sexually. I wondered if I would have her love me the way I loved her. I asked myself if I could ever fix her and make her happy.

  As I headed back to my building, I saw a car that I recognized. I saw him park his car, and instantly, I knew what I wanted to do. I raced toward him, and once I was standing in front of him, I pulled out my gun. There was no fight in him once he saw it. I asked him to walk with me and led him down a dark alleyway. I might have not been able to kill Roxie, but Jamilla’s stepfather was one dead nigga.

  Chapter 20

  Jamilla

  “What are you doing?” I asked as I watched Niya cock her gun. My stepfather was on his knees, crying, but Niya’s hand was steady.

  “I’m making sure that you don’t have to look at this motherfucker for one more day.”

  “Please, Niya, don’t do this. I’m begging you.”

  “Fuck that. This nigga has got to die. After all he did to you, he’s gonna make you sleep on the floor? After all he did to you?”

  I was crying, but she was strong, sturdy in her stance. I walked over to her, stood beside her, and put my hand on her shoulder. “Please, Niya, don’t waste your life by taking his. Please.”

  She just stood there, as if she was in a trance. She showed no emotion, no pity for the monster I faced every day. I couldn’t blame her. I had dreamed about killing him myself, but those were only dreams.

  “Please, Jamilla. Tell her not to do this.”

  Just the sound of his voice made me cringe, but I also felt a rush of power. He was begging me now. All those nights my begging had fallen on deaf ears. His hands would roam my body, and no matter how much I pleaded, he would never stop. I couldn’t help but enjoy this moment now, but still, I knew I couldn’t let Niya kill him.

  “Niya, baby, let him go.”

  “Fuck that,” she answered.

  For ten minutes, I pleaded with her. Finally, it worked.

  “Okay, motherfucker,” Niya said as she took my hand and walked me in front of him.

  With him still on his knees, she continued to talk. “First, if you ever put your filthy hands on Jamilla again, I will kill you. There won’t be any talking. I am just going to put my gun up to your head and pull the trigger. Second, I want Marie out of Jamilla’s room, and I want Jamilla back in there.”

  “Okay, okay. They will share the room,” my stepdad answered between tears.

  “No they won’t. I want your little bitch out of the room. I don’t give a shit where she sleeps. I just want her out. Understand?”

  Niya waited for him to tell her that he understood her, and he did.

  “Third, I want you to treat her with respect. If I hear that you even raised your voice at her, I’m coming for that ass. Understand?”

  Again, he said yes.

  “Last,” Niya said as she looked at me. “Last, I want you to promise me that as soon as we finish our first year of college, we are leaving New York together. I’m not sure what school you planned on going to, but we can register at the same one to make sure that we stay together.”

  I stood there and thought about it. Her birthday was September 26, and I was born on October 1. By the time we would be ready to go, we would be turning twenty, and no one, not even my crazy-ass mother or my sick-ass stepfather, could stop us. I was going to attend Kingsborough Community College, so it wouldn’t be hard for Niya to get in as well.

  Chapter 21

  Niya

  I waited for her to answer. I was damn near holding my breath. If she said no, I was going to kill that nigga out of anger and heartache.

  “Yes, I’ll leave with you.”

  I looked into her eyes and saw the truth, which was enough for me. I let her stepfather live, and for the next year, all I could think about was finishing the first year of college.

  I wrote her this letter:

  Jamilla,

  Of course I saw you, and I still see you today. There is no one like you on this ear
th. The funny thing is, you saw me way before I saw myself, and that is not to be ignored. If I could just ask you one thing, it would have to be . . . why do you think that you’re invisible? I can see your beauty from a mile away. Your spirit transcends the walls you have built. It is stronger than the pain that you harbor. Your outer beauty, although on a different level, comes in only second to the beauty you house within. I see you, like I always have. You are hard to ignore, hard to pass up. I have never seen anything like you, so of course, I would look. You are so pure; you are so real. You are everything I dream about at night, even when I get no sleep. I love you. Always have and always will.

  Now I just have to find the guts to tell you all that I feel is real. But I am afraid that what I feel, you’ll think is just a thrill. A fly by night that won’t last too long. I must tell you that this is real. I have never loved and will never love like this again. So here you are, wondering if I saw you, when in fact you were the only one to see the true me and what I really feel. You don’t have to say too much, just a few simple words. Just tell me that you love me, and that will forever be enough.

  Niya

  Act II

  Dreamer’s Paradise

  So many love her, but only one can have her, and the shitty part is that I’m just not that one who will ever have her.

  Oh, what I would give to have her be mine.

  Oh, what I would say just to hear her say that shit back.

  But this thing here, it’s all just in my mind.

  All love on my part while I wait for her to love me back.

  And she does, just not the way I want her to, so let’s backtrack

  Back to a time when I thought that maybe I would have her